3. Train your nervous system to sustain high levels of energy.
For many people, being relaxed means being low energy. They feel at ease only when they are depleted of energy, such as after a full meal or an orgasm. They can't handle long periods of high energy without feeling hyper, stressed, or anxious. They can't wait to have a beer, chat with a friend, watch TV, stuff their faces, or masturbate. Enlightening your sex involves cultivating the capacity to sustain high energy over long periods of time while remaining relaxed and open. It is as if the hoses through which the water flows grow wider. More water can flow through with less pressure.
You can maintain ease even when great force is coursing through your body, mind, and emotions. Your body is pregnant with flexible force, like a fiercely tumescent fire hose. Your mind is still - yet agile, bright, and ready with insight. Your heart is alive, vulnerable, and responsive. You may cry one moment and laugh the next, but whatever you do, your flow of life force is strong and unimpeded. You can look at two people, a conventional lover and a superior lover, and see the difference. Throughout the day, at work as well as in bed, the conventional lover swings between an agitated mode of frantic activity and a collapsed mode of tired depletion.
The superior lover, however, steadily acts with great force and creativity - resting when appropriate but not collapsing due to an exhaustive spurt of energy. To develop this capacity for sustained high energy, practice plugging your energy leaks and circulating the energy as it builds in your body. Don't fidget. Don't eat unnecessary snacks. Don't ejaculate or orgasm too often. Don't talk excessively. Don't watch TV or read newspapers, catalogs, books, and magazines simply due to habit. Don't grind your jaw or tap your pencil unconsciously. If you stop depleting your energies through these habitual means, you may first notice yourself getting anxious to some degree.
This is because your body is being filled with more energy than it is used to handling. In the past, you might telephone a friend or masturbate in the shower to release energy and decrease your internal force. Now, since you have plugged many of these leaks, your internal pressure builds. You can accommodate this growing internal force by helping it flow throughout the natural circuitry of your body. Over time, you can cultivate a capacity to conduct a much larger flow of energy. Your internal "hoses" can unkink and widen, so your old trickle of energy becomes a full flow of force. You develop a much stronger ability to circulate great energy without dispersing it in TV orgasms, chatting, snacking, and fidgeting. (D. Deida, The Enlightened Sex Manual, 2007)
"The man who wishes to grow must understand within that he has no right to emotions until they are completely controlled. " (...)
"First you must realize that there is the dimension of ordinary life and the dimension of extraordinary life. These dimensions require different muscle and nervous systems. You must strengthen those muscles which carry spiritual energy. They have to be used and exercised until they are strong enough to support the flow of energy that constitutes a spiritual life."
(Albert Rudolph (Rudi), Spiritual Cannibalism)